


What Once Was Mine

by jesileigh



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Grieving, Heartbreak, It has a Happy Ending Though, So much angst, Spec, seriously, sorrynotsorry, which should count for something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-07 22:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesileigh/pseuds/jesileigh
Summary: It's been a bittersweet year for Felicity Smoak, but luckily she has some friends who might be able to turn things around.





	1. Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> This story will have a LOT of angst, but there will be a happy ending if you stick it out.
> 
> Hugest thanks to Meg and Lexi for their support with this one.

 

  
Felicity holds her breath as yet another wave of pain washes over her from head to toe, making her curl in on herself. She’s doing well so far, she thinks, not gasping or moaning or screaming the way she wants to. Trying to hold it together so nobody on the other end of the comms gets distracted. She tries telling herself that it’s just a false alarm--only Braxton Hicks contractions like Dr. Schwartz had told them last week when Oliver had rushed her into the hospital in the middle of the night in a flurry of panic, despite her reassurance that she was sure that it wasn’t real labor and that she was fine. But Oliver being Oliver, she finally allowed him to drag her very pregnant self out to the car and speed  _ carefully _ to Star City General Hospital (their hospital bag was already packed and waiting in the trunk, where he’d put it by the time she was in her second trimester).

 

She chuckles then winces as she imagines the face her husband would be making right now if he could see her. From the moment she’d told him about the baby he’d been nothing but accommodating, excited and  _ just _ this side of overprotective of her and their child. The heartbreak of William moving away was still a steady thrum of pain underlying the new wave of nervous excitement, but despite Felicity’s initial terror at the idea of bringing another child into their dangerous world, she couldn’t help but daydream about what the future would bring. Would they be into technology like Felicity and William? Would they love cooking like Oliver? There were so many possibilities and each scenario she dreamed up was even more wonderful and fulfilling than the last.

 

“Overwatch, we’re on site,” Spartan’s voice comes in over the speakers. Felicity bites her lip and takes a deep breath as the contraction subsides after what feels like forever. 

 

“I’ve got a visual on one...two...three hostiles,” she responds, using the cameras she’s hacked into to zoom in on their targets. 

 

“Two in my line of sight,” John says.

 

“I’ve got the other,” the Green Arrow adds gruffly.    
  


“Team Flash is on standby,” says Barry. “Let’s take this guy down once and for all.”

 

“I really think we should have waited for Supergirl and the Legends to show up,” grumbles Cisco in the background. “I’m not convinced we can take down The Monitor without them.”

 

“I’ve sent messages to the Legends three times with no response, but I’m sure they’ll be here. You just have to hold him off long enough for them to arrive,” Felicity says. “Think of him as the big boss at the end of the game. Wear him out first and he’ll be easier to--” she sucks in a sharp breath as her stomach goes tight again, her head falling back against the chair.

 

“Felicity?” Oliver says, alarmed, and she hisses at him.

 

“ _ Secret. Identity _ .”

 

“To be fair, I’m pretty sure that cat is  _ way _ out of the bag for y’all.” Cisco snorts. “But for real, girl, you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” she lies through clenched teeth. “Just focus on what you’re doing, please.”

 

“Are you sure? Do I need to come back?” Oliver asks, his voice far from his usual Green Arrow timbre. She rolls her eyes.

 

“I’m pretty sure the pending end of the world is more important than my leg cramp,” she says. 

 

“So not to break up this whole married-couple-love-spat thing--” Emiko cuts in, “But I’m pretty sure we’re about to miss our very narrow window.”

 

“I’ll just leave you to it. Like we planned. I  _ really _ have to pee,” Felicity says. She switches off her mic so they can’t hear her and lets out a groan, fingers digging into the arms of her chair. She kicks off her shoes and stands up, but a sudden gushing sound and subsequent splash of liquid hitting the glass dais where her computers sit has her eyes going wide. 

 

“Oh...frak,” she whispers, staring down at the mess at her feet. “No, no, no…” She spares a glance at the screens in front of her and can hear the tell-tale grunts and shouts of an epic fight happening among the group of heroes and their current targets. She’s not about to interrupt and distract them in the midst of a life or death situation, so instead she picks up her phone and dials as fast as her shaking fingers will allow her. It rings once, twice and then--

 

“Felicity?”

 

“Alena? Hi. Um…could you possibly drive me to the hospital?  _ Now? _ ”

  
  


>>>\-------------------------->

 

An hour later, Felicity is in a stark white hospital gown after Dr. Schwartz has checked her into a makeshift delivery room in what she refers to as Star City General’s “vigilante suite.” Felicity tries to laugh, but it comes out a choked sob instead because the contractions are so close together she can’t tell when one ends and the next begins.

 

“Wow, you’re progressing very quickly, Felicity,” Dr. Schwartz says. “You’re already at 8 centimeters dilated. I’d say you’ll be ready to push within the hour.”

 

“No--” Felicity protests. “No, they told us in the baby classes that labor can take hours or even days. This--I can’t--it’s too early!” Dr. Schwartz gives her a sympathetic smile and pats her leg. 

 

“It seems your baby is a bit impatient.” The doctor winks. “Remind you of anyone you know?” 

 

“Speaking of--where’s Oliver?” Alena asks from the armchair by the window. “Didn’t you text him on the way over?” 

 

“He’s...kind of in the middle of something,” Felicity says, her teeth clenched so tightly they might as well be glued together and her voice strained as the pain of yet another contraction wracks her body. 

 

“Well he’d better hurry up--this baby isn’t going to wait around all day!” Dr. Schwartz chirps, sliding the clipboard back into its slot at the end of the bed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes with the rest of the nursing team so we can prep the room.”

 

Felicity watches helplessly as Dr. Schwartz makes her exit, her heart sinking in her chest as the tiny human inside of her starts kicking furiously. Her eyes drop to her belly and she settles a hand on top of it. As if by magic, the baby stills, calmed by her mother’s touch despite the fact that Felicity is as far from calm as possible.

 

“Hey,” Alena murmurs softly, reaching out to cover Felicity’s hand with her own. “At least Auntie Alena’s here.” Felicity glances up, brow knit with pain and worry and Alena swiftly changes her tone from lighthearted to sincere. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s gonna be okay and Oliver will be here before you know it.” Felicity forces herself to nod but the movement feels stilted and robotic. She’s almost thankful for the pain the next contraction brings because it gives her something to focus on--something to keep her grounded.

 

“Thanks for being here,” she manages to say, eyes filling with tears. Alena offers a comforting smile and puts an arm around her, pressing their foreheads together. 

 

“Thanks for letting me be.”

 

The soft knock on the door makes her heart skip a beat hopefully, but it isn’t her husband. Instead a team of nurses from the hospital’s maternity ward enter. They set up a clear bassinet in the corner, a scale on the counter and a large, bright light at the end of the bed. One of them asks if she’d like a mirror (he takes her mouth falling open in horror as a negative) as another writes their names on the whiteboard on the wall. It’s a flurry of activity all around her but she feels like she’s watching it from outside of herself, almost. It’s surreal, the idea of bringing this life she’s been growing into the world. And doing it without her husband by her side is nothing short of terrifying. She’s thankful for Alena; their friendship had grown since Curtis had signed over the company to her sole ownership and she’d started working with Alena exclusively. Their late nights and take-out had led to the kind of friendship she hadn’t had since middle school. Her involvement with Helix had been one of Felicity’s darkest moments, but she’d gladly do it over again if it meant having Alena in her life.

 

Dr. Schwartz glides into the room again just as the chaos dies down and she takes a seat at the end of the bed on a stool. 

 

“Well, it looks like it’s time to have a baby!” she says with attempt at cheeriness. Felicity closes her eyes and shakes her head.

 

“Not yet. I can’t. We have to wait for Oliver,” she insists. Somewhere inside herself she realizes how illogical she’s being, but the desperation she feels outweighs the rational side of her and she starts to sob. “He’s supposed to be  _ here _ . I can’t do this without him-- _ please _ \--” she’s interrupted by another wave of pain that takes her breath away, and without any concern for how  _ it wasn’t supposed to happen like this _ , her body decides that it’s time to push.

 

“Felicity, I know you’re scared, but this baby is coming. Ready or not,” Dr. Schwartz says softly. Her voice is calm and gentle and the complete antithesis to the emotions coursing through Felicity right now. She can’t help the noise that escapes her and she scrambles for something to hold onto. Alena finds her hand and holds on tight and Felicity finally gives in, letting instinct take over. 

 

>>>\----------------------------------------------->

  
  
  


It takes less than an hour before Felicity has a beautiful, wiggly newborn baby girl lying across her chest. She has never felt so exhausted in her life: or so overwhelmingly filled with joy and wonder. She can’t tear her eyes away from where her daughter’s tiny hand is wrapped around her finger as she uses the other hand to stroke the baby’s cheek, marveling at how soft her skin feels. She feels a compulsory need to kiss her all over her head and cheeks and pouty little lips. It feels utterly magical.

 

“She’s so perfect,” Alena whispers in awe from over Felicity’s shoulder. “You are such a freaking rockstar, Smoak.” Felicity chuckles softly and looks up at her friend with a smile. 

 

“I really was badass, wasn’t I?” Felicity grins, then gasps and attempts to cover her daughter’s ears. “Oh no--I’m already swearing around the baby!” 

 

“She’s five minutes old, Felicity. I don’t think you’ve ruined her.” Alena laughs. “And yes, you were totally--” she drops her voice to a dramatic stage whisper, “ _ Badass _ .”

 

They sit there for a few more minutes in the quiet, just admiring the sweet infant before them before Felicity’s eyes dart to the clock on the wall across the room.

 

“Do you think you could try and call Oliver? I left him a message on our way over here but I don’t think checking his voicemail was a priority at the time,” she murmurs nervously. Alena nods and pushes up off the hospital bed, careful not to jostle the two of them. 

 

“Absolutely. I’m going to kick his ass for not getting here on time,” she says with a smirk. Felicity laughs and nods as Alena reaches for Felicity’s purse to get her phone. “I’ll call him on my way to the cafeteria. This auntie business has me famished.”

 

“Bring me back a snack?” Felicity asks. “I think this little squish is going to eat while you’re gone and I’m  _ starving _ .” 

 

“You’ve got it,” Alena promises, backing out of the room and closing the door softly behind her.

 

Felicity sighs and settles back against the pillow. She pulls the right side of her hospital gown down to her waist, cradling the back of the baby’s head as she begins to whine and root around, guiding her to her breast. They struggle for a moment, trying to get the right angle, but then she latches on like a pro and Felicity smiles to herself, giving a little fist pump with her free hand. 

 

“That’s my girl,” she whispers against the baby’s head, breathing her in and reveling in the sweet scent of her downy blonde hair. She closes her eyes and soaks up the moment, allowing herself to drift near the edge of consciousness. She smiles to herself as she imagines the look on Oliver’s face when he finally makes it to see them. She can see it perfectly--the way his blue eyes will light up with pure, unadulterated joy when he takes in his daughter for the first time. The soft voice he’ll use to greet them and the gentle way he’ll take her into his arms and sway while he whispers to her. The vision is almost enough to help her forget the slight twinge of annoyance she has about him missing the birthing process. The door clicks as it opens, a soft warning knock following, and she opens her eyes and pulls her hospital gown back up just as Barry Allen and John Diggle enter the room with Alena right behind them. She tilts her head with a bit of confusion but smiles at them anyway.

 

“Hey guys,” she says softly, peeking down to see that the baby had dozed off once more. “I was wondering when you all were going to get here. Is Oliver changing or something?” She sees the way her three friends exchange shifty glances before their gazes fall back to the floor but nobody says anything. Felicity takes a sharp breath and furrows her brow as she looks from John to Barry to Alena and back again and she feels her throat close up when she watches Alena try to hide the way she’s wiping at her eyes. Her heart is pounding so hard that it’s all she can hear in her head as the pieces start to fall together. 

 

“Where is he?” she manages to choke out, despite the fact that she already knows she doesn’t want the answer. She sputters frantically, “ _ John _ . Where is Oliver?”

 

Barry turns around so he’s facing the back of the room, letting his hands come up to run through his hair while John pulls something out from behind his back and takes a few steps forward so he’s by her side. She recognizes the material in his hands immediately and she lets out a shaky sob as he gently lays it in her lap: Oliver’s hood.

 

“I’m so sorry, Felicity,” John tells her, his eyes shining with tears. 

 

“No,” she whimpers, shaking her head at him. “No!” Her breathing gets more and more shallow with every attempt to draw in oxygen and John’s hand finds the back of her head, pulling her in for a hug and holding her there, being mindful of how the baby is snuggled against her, blissfully unaware that her mother’s entire world has just been shattered. 

 

Felicity gasps, desperate for the breath she can’t seem to take in and it’s like she can feel her heart breaking into a million tiny pieces as the truth sets in. 

 

He’s  _ gone _ . 

 

Her husband. Her partner. Her best friend. 

 

The love of her life. 

 

_ Gone. _

 

The injustice of it makes her want to scream but she’s so broken that all she can muster is a heart-wrenching wail where she’s buried in the crook of her friend’s arms. She isn’t sure when it happens but somehow Alena manages to take the baby from her as a few nurses stick their heads in the room, startled by the pained, dry sobs coming out of her. She hears Barry’s hushed voice informing them of the situation on the ground and it hits her all over again, a fresh wave of soul-crushing grief cutting through her like a razor sharp knife to the chest. John grips her even tighter while Alena rocks the tiny, now-crying infant in her arms who has been startled awake to find herself away from the familiar warmth and scent of her mother. 

 

>>>\-------------------->

 

The next twenty-four hours are a blur to Felicity that she feels like she’s watching from outside of herself. The sounds are dulled, the world moves in slow motion and she drifts in and out of consciousness with the help of heavy sedatives. Sometimes she wakes up to the whispers of her friends and the hospital staff. She pretends to be asleep more often than not so she doesn’t have to see their pitying eyes staring back at her. Other times, she wakes up alone in a dark room and she forces herself up from the bed so she can wheel the small bassinet closer to her and stares down at her daughter, who remains peaceful, content and innocent. 

 

Her eyes trace the infant’s features and she’s painfully aware of just how much of Oliver she sees in their child. So many emotions bubble up inside of her every time she focuses on memorizing every inch of her daughter’s face. Bone-deep sorrow and joy, anger and love. An overwhelming swirling vortex of confusion has Felicity sitting on the bed with her knees drawn to her chest as she cries until she has nothing left in her. She looks up through her tears and hiccups to see piercing blue eyes staring up at her from the crib and a pudgy fist reaches for her. Felicity takes a shaky breath and offers her a finger which she eagerly grabs ahold of. 

 

“I am so sorry, my sweet girl,” Felicity whispers, leaning forward to press her lips to the little fingers that hold onto her tightly. “Your daddy loved you so much. He loved you with everything in him. It’s not fair--” she swallows against the lump in her throat and looks up towards a heaven she doesn’t believe in. “Oliver why would you--how  _ could you _ \--” she clenches her teeth until her jaw hurts and looks down at the little girl staring back up at her. 

 

“Oh I’m already terrible at this,” she mutters to herself. “I haven’t even named you yet. Your daddy would have--” she stumbles over the words even as she says them. Speaking of Oliver in the past tense feels so wrong that she can’t bring herself to finish the sentence. Instead, she removes her finger from the baby’s grasp and reaches for the hospital bag her had packed so long ago. Opening it, she pulls out the small black notebook he’d stowed away in one of the inside pockets a couple weeks ago. His neat, careful print looks so stark on the white paper and her eyes scan the list of names he’d jotted down over the past nine months. Some are crossed out, others are circled. Next to each one he’d written down the meaning of the name along with its origin. She shakes her head at a few as she goes down the list. It’s the last one that catches her eye and she reads it aloud.

 

“Mia--in Hebrew it means beloved, but could also mean bittersweet.” She looks up from the notebook and back at the baby in front of her. “Bittersweet…” she repeats, taking a moment to lift the baby from the bassinet and into her arms. “Mia...hmm...what do you think?” she asks, and her daughter responds with a gurgle. “I like it too. My sweet, beloved Mia.” She presses her lips to Mia’s head and breathes her in deeply. 

 

For the first time since John and Barry walked into the room and brought her whole world crashing down, she doesn’t feel like she’s about to fall apart. For the first time, she feels like she might survive this. For Mia.


	2. The World Keeps Spinning

Felicity is feeding Mia when her mother appears several hours later. Donna is quiet and subdued upon entering the hospital room in a confusing, though welcome, turn of events. Felicity melts into her mother’s arms as they envelope her and she can’t help the tears that start to fall at the utter feeling of relief she feels having her there. 

 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, baby. My flight was delayed because of snow in the mountains and--”

 

“It’s okay, Mom,” Felicity says in a watery voice. “I’m just so happy you’re here now. I’ve really needed you and I don’t know if anyone told you--”

 

Donna shushes her, pulling her in for another hug and stroking her hair. “Shh. Alena told me everything, baby girl. I can’t even imagine how hard the last couple of days have been for you but I’m here now. And we’re gonna get you through this, okay?” 

 

Felicity gives a small nod and can’t help but feel incredibly small and helpless in that moment. She looks down at the bundle in her arms and wonders how she’s going to manage, but then her own mother is pressing a kiss to her forehead and Felicity’s eyes flutter closed out of exhaustion. 

 

“Now why don’t you let me see my granddaughter while you rest?” Donna suggests gently and Felicity nods her agreement. Donna shifts so that she’s lying next to her daughter, who briefly opens her eyes to, ever so slowly, transfer the baby into her mother’s waiting arms.

 

“This is Mia,” Felicity says. “Mia, this is your grandma Donna.”

 

“Hello, my precious girl,” Donna coos. “Oh, I’ve waited for this moment for so long. She’s so perfect. I am  _ so  _ proud of you.” Felicity leans into her mother and lays her head on her shoulder. “Tomorrow we’ll take you girls home and Grandma will make everything a little bit better, okay?” 

 

Felicity has rarely been desperate for her mother. More often than not, she preferred to avoid her during times of crisis because Donna managed to make even the most overwhelming situations that much more so. But now, as she curls up next to her mom, her own daughter in Donna’s arms, she has never been more grateful to have her. It seems cliche, but she finally understands her mother on a deeper level. 

 

“I love you, Mom,” Felicity whispers, and she doesn’t miss the way her mom’s breath hitches like she’s caught her by surprise. 

 

“Oh, baby. I love you so much,” she replies, her voice a bit shaky like she’s holding back tears of her own. She slides one arm around Felicity’s shoulders and pulls her closer still.  “I know this seems so unbearable right now. But you’ll never have to do any of this alone. I’m gonna stay as long as you need me. But longer than you want me,” she adds with a chuckle. 

 

Felicity hugs the arm Donna has draped around her and settles into her embrace. 

 

“We’re going to get through this,” Donna whispers against Felicity’s hair. “Because the three of us? We’re Smoak women and Smoak women can handle anything the universe throws at us.” 

  
  
  


>>>\-------------------------->

  
  
  
  


Felicity isn’t sure how long she sleeps that night, but when she finally wakes the sun is bright and her breasts ache, her top soaked through at her nipples, telling her it’s been far too long since she’s nursed Mia. In a blind panic she sits straight up, searching the hospital room frantically for her daughter. Her bare feet hit the floor and she lunges for the door, ripping it open and stepping into the hallway. 

 

“Felicity--what are you doing?” Alena nearly runs into her, two paper coffee cups in her hands, but she swerves at the last second and stops short.

 

“Mia--where’s Mia?” Felicity asks desperately. “Where’s my baby?” 

 

“Your mom is with her out in the waiting room--she’s okay, Felicity. I swear. Your mom just wanted to let you sleep. Come on, let’s get back inside,” Alena adds, nodding towards the door to Felicity’s room. “This place is crawling with sleazy reporters trying to catch a scoop. Thea and Emiko are both with your mother so they can help you get home. Dr. Schwartz should be in to release you both in a little while, okay?” 

 

Felicity allows herself to be herded back into her room and Alena shuts the door behind them before offering one of the cups of coffee to Felicity. She accepts it and sinks back onto the bed to take a sip. It’s the first taste of coffee she’s had in months--Oliver insisted she avoid all caffeine, despite both Dr. Schwartz and Felicity’s normal OB-GYN assuring him she would be fine to have one or two cups a day. But he’d been such a worry wart that Felicity decided only a week after confirming her pregnancy with a blood test that Oliver’s fretting wasn’t worth it. It tastes bitter going down and stings her tongue with its heat. Instead of taking a second sip she finds herself staring into the dark liquid with Oliver’s voice in her head telling her she shouldn’t drink it because it might end up in her milk and harm the baby. 

 

After a few more moments of contemplation, she reaches to set the cup on the bedside table instead, breathing out an exasperated and broken “God damn it Oliver,” under her breath. Her fingers curl into the mattress and she can’t help how she starts rocking back and forth, holding onto the bed tighter and tighter until her fingers hurt. 

 

“Felicity--hey--take a breath,” Alena says, moving across the room to kneel down in front of her. “Let’s get you in the shower and get some fresh clothes, okay? Your mom will be back with Mia in just a little while and then you guys can go home and be in your own space.” She gives Felicity her hands to help her stand and walks her into the bathroom, turning on the shower head as Felicity steps out of the hospital gown and under the spray. 

 

She feels broken in every possible way; breasts leaking under the hot water, abdomen aching as her body starts to pull itself back together. But the physical discomfort is nothing compared to the mental anguish. She’s grateful that Alena doesn’t linger, but instead busies herself with packing up their belongings, giving Felicity some privacy. She isn’t sure how long she stays in the shower, but it’s long enough that her mother returns and she can hear Thea, Emiko and John’s voices too. 

 

“Hey Sweet Pea,” her mom says to her from the doorway of the bathroom. “Dr. Schwartz is here to discharge you. And I think the baby is pretty hungry--she won’t take a bottle. She knows her mama’s got the good stuff.” 

 

Felicity takes a breath and lets it back out again. She can’t hide in here forever. Life goes on, with or without her, it seems. Ready or not. She might as well rejoin what’s left of her family.

 

“I’m just finishing up,” she calls out. 

 

“Okay, baby. I left some clean clothes on the counter in there for you.”

 

Five minutes later, she joins everyone in the now-crowded hospital room, accepting an increasingly loud and slightly frantic Mia from Thea to try and nurse her. The baby is wailing at the top of her little lungs, face red and fists clenched angrily. She’s so worked up Felicity can’t get her to latch and every passing second has her feeling more and more flustered and anxious. 

 

“Come on--come  _ on _ ,” she mutters under her breath, but Mia just screams louder. It seems silly, even in the moment, but Felicity bursts into tears and then she’s sobbing right along with her daughter while her family stares, awkward and bewildered. 

 

“We’ll give you two a minute, okay?” John pipes up, moving to hold the door open for the others. Emiko, Thea and Alena follow him, leaving Donna and Dr. Schwartz to tend to the hysterical mother and child. 

 

“Felicity take a breath,” Dr. Schwartz tells Felicity. Her voice is commanding but gentle at the same time and Felicity immediately does as she’s told. “Babies are such intuitive little creatures,” she adds, reaching to take Mia into her arms. “They’re like energy sponges. Soaking up everything around them.” Felicity wipes at her eyes as Dr. Schwartz sways and rocks back and forth until Mia begins to settle. “There we go. That’s better sweet girl,” she whispers. “Why don’t we try that again, hmm?” 

 

Felicity takes Mia back from the doctor and tries again to get her to latch. It takes a few attempts, but in no time the baby is nursing again and Felicity feels a wave of relief wash over her. She momentarily forgets that she’s not alone, losing herself in the connection and sweet sounds her daughter makes as she eats.  

 

“She’s such a natural, isn’t she?” Dr. Schwartz comments in a low voice, and Felicity realizes she’s talking to her mother. She glances up to see Donna smiling softly at her, eyes glassy with unshed tears. 

 

“I knew she would be,” Donna says. Felicity doesn’t say anything. She looks back at the baby in her arms and finds herself wishing they could stay holed up in this hospital room forever. 

 

>>>\------------------------>

 

As overwhelming as it is being surrounded on all sides by family while trying to manage Mia’s carrier at the same time, Felicity is thankful for every last one of them when they walk out the front doors of the hospital into a swarm of reporters. They shout questions at her and flash their cameras in her face until John tells them off with a booming voice while Emiko and Thea flank her on either side, shielding her face from the cameras, and usher her into the waiting car. Alena and her mom follow close behind and she stares out the window while someone adjusts Mia’s seat and clicks it into place. Her hand absentmindedly finds her daughter’s and she runs her thumb over the baby’s fingers, the feel of her soft skin grounding her. 

 

“What a bunch of vultures,” Thea hisses, glaring out the tinted windows at the throng of reporters still fighting for a picture. “God, it’s like they have no humanity whatsoever.”

 

“Want me to put an arrow in them?” Emiko asks darkly. Everyone in the car knows she’s kidding, but her voice has an air of seriousness that says she would absolutely do it if Felicity asked her to. Despite the tumultuous start to her relationship with Oliver, Emiko has been an irreplaceable addition to the family, and it seems she’s already hit it off with Thea over the past few days if the way they’re whispering conspiratorially is any indication.  _ Oliver would have loved that _ , Felicity thinks to herself. Her brain follows up with a mournful,  _ It’s too bad he’s not here to see it _ .

 

The ride is uneventful and quiet, the tension heavy and uncomfortable. Felicity knows it’s because none of them know what to say to her right now, unhelpful as that knowledge is. The way she feels isolated, despite being surrounded by people who love her, is unbearable, but she can’t bring herself to relieve them of their uncertainty. Truthfully, she doesn’t know what she would want them to say either. Losing Oliver has to be hitting Thea as hard as it’s hit her and she notices how John continues to sneak glances in the rearview mirror at her like he’s terrified she might combust any moment.

 

This feeling of fresh vulnerability is foreign to her but she doesn’t have the energy for a facade so she allows them to fuss over her and follow her up to the empty apartment. She picks at the pancakes Emiko makes for her and nods when her mother asks her a question. She begrudgingly allows them to pass Mia around despite a surge of irritation in her chest as she watches them kiss and coo at her. Her arms ache to take her daughter from them and hide away in a cocoon of blankets, just her and her baby in their own little world where she doesn’t have to face the fact that Oliver’s jacket still hangs by the front closet and his towel from only a few days ago is draped over the shower door. She wants to bury her face in his pillow and breathe him in and wake up to a world where all of this was just a nightmare and he’s actually the one in the kitchen making cooking her favorite breakfast-for-dinner meal for her instead of his sister. Where he’s the one rocking their daughter to sleep instead of John while Thea makes phone calls to the family church, florists and caterers. 

 

For three long days, the apartment is a never-ending carousel of people in and out. Nobody leaves her alone for longer than it takes her to use the bathroom or take a shower (and her mother still hovers a few feet away even then). Dinah, Rene, Lyla and even Laurel are in and out bringing food and diapers and news from the outside world. Her mother moves into William’s old room. Alena, Thea and Emiko take turns sleeping on the couches in the living room.

 

The third night home is relatively quiet with only Donna, Felicity and Mia at home when there’s yet another knock at the front door. Felicity frowns when her security system doesn’t announce the visitor, and she jumps up from the couch to answer the door herself before her mother can stop her. 

 

“Will--” she all but gasps before the lanky teenage boy is launching himself into her arms and hugging her so tightly she can hardly breathe. He’s grown so much in the past nine months he’s been away and he towers over her now, making their hug a bit awkward.

 

“We’re so sorry to barge in on you so late like this,” Mrs. Clayton begins from behind her grandson and next to her husband. Her voice is heavy with disapproval. “But William has been insisting for several days that he needed to come. We told him you probably didn’t want--” 

 

Felicity cuts her off with a glare and snaps, “I will  _ always _ want my son with me. This is his  _ home _ .” She addresses William next. “Always. Whatever happens you will always have a home with me--with us--okay?” William nods a bit sheepishly and she notices how red his eyes are and she pulls him back into her arms. “I am so glad you’re here, William. I’ve missed you so much.” 

 

“Missed you too,” he says, his voice cracking a little. “Uncle Digg called me right away but they didn’t think--since you were in the hospital--”

 

“It’s okay,” Felicity assures him. And truly, just seeing her boy’s face has awoken something in her. She’s felt like such an empty shell of herself for the past week but now she has her son back. Her son who has just lost his father and needs her to be okay for him now. She can do that. She can be that person for him. “Why don’t you come in and meet your sister?” 

 

If Oliver was here, she would have invited the Claytons in and helped make them comfortable. Instead, she ignores them and leads William over to the couch, pausing to scoop Mia out of her bouncer before joining him. Donna chooses that moment to come out of the bathroom and her eyes go wide when she sees they have visitors. She must sense the tension because she takes over hostess duties promptly, guiding the Claytons into the kitchen so Felicity and William can have a moment alone. 

 

“She’s so cute,” William says with a nervous smile as Felicity deposits his sister into his arms. “And so tiny…. What’s her name?”

 

“Mia,” she tells him. “It was one of the names your dad picked out before he--” she stops herself, clearing her throat and swallowing down the lump forming there. William wipes at his eyes with his sleeve.

 

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” he murmurs. “It isn’t fair.” Felicity can’t argue with that. She slips an arm around the boy and pulls him against her, pressing a kiss to his temple.

 

“I know,” she agrees. “God I miss him so much.”

 

She hasn’t talked about it with anyone yet. She hasn’t so much as said the words aloud, as though speaking it would make it true and holding her silence could undo it. 

 

And yet at night, she still wakes up in a huge empty bed and nobody there to comfort her from the ever-changing nightmares that have her sitting up and clutching her chest, desperate to breathe. Once she has tethered herself to reality again she slips out from under the covers, bare feet hitting the cold wood floor as she pads out to the kitchen to quietly get a glass of water. William is snoring on the couch and Felicity finds herself relieved that at least one of them is able to sleep. 

 

When her heart rate returns to normal, she hears Mia begin to fuss down the hall she returns to her bedroom, bringing the baby into the bed with her and laying on her side to feed her. With her daughter in her arms, Felicity’s mind begins to settle and she eventually she drifts off again, waking only when the sounds of the start of the day become too noisy to ignore.

 

>>>\---------------------------------->   
  
  


[](https://ibb.co/w6p1K3d) [](https://ibb.co/9vHHSLZ)

Oliver Queen is buried on a rainy and blustery October morning. 

 

His week-old daughter snuggles into her mother’s chest, content and unaware of anything outside of the warm cocoon she’s wrapped in. His son holds an umbrella to keep his sister and step-mother dry. His sisters stand on either side of them, both with faces of stone and jaws clenched as they will themselves not to cry. His mother-in-law sobs into a handkerchief as his pallbearers (John and Roy among them) carry him to his final resting place in the cemetery next to his mother. 

 

“Say not in grief ‘he is no more’ but live in thankfulness that he was,” the minister begins in a monotone. “A proverb borrowed from our Jewish friends, but one to live by as we remember Oliver Jonas Queen. A man who made the ultimate sacrifice to protect the people he loved--and the people of this city. A man who came back from the dead to live a life of servitude both by day as the mayor who fought for Star City and by night as the Green Arrow. He did not seek out recognition or thanks for his sacrifices, but as I stand here before you today, I implore you to think of him as you move on in your own lives and live in a way that honors his sacrifice. Let us come together today not to grieve, but rather to celebrate the life of a man who was not only a loving and dedicated husband, father, brother and friend, but a man who was a hero to us all. Let us pray.”

 

_ One Year Later _

It’s unnaturally warm for October. Mia squeals in delight when her mother helps her take off her shoes and lets her out of her arms to freely run around in the dewy grass. Running is her new favorite thing and ever since she started doing it (exactly thirteen days ago, according to Felicity’s baby milestones app), she can’t seem to stop. That, and climbing. She’ll climb anything you put in front of her these days, much to Felicity’s chagrin. Thea jokes that she’s designing a baby salmon ladder for her niece's first birthday and Felicity tries to laugh but it seems to get stuck in her throat. 

 

The word that comes to mind is bittersweet. 

 

It’s bittersweet that she stopped by her favorite bakery to pick up cupcakes for her daughter’s first birthday on the way to the cemetery so she could visit Oliver. It’s bittersweet that on the very same day she’s celebrating one year of life for her sweet Mia she is also grieving one year of death for her wonderful husband. 

 

But if there is anything Felicity Smoak has learned over the past year of being a widow and single mother, it is that she is resilient and capable and she knows without a doubt that Oliver would be incredibly proud of her. It’s a comfort so small it barely exists, but she revels in it. 

 

She sits down on the grass, legs crossed, and takes out the small box of cupcakes from her bag. Mia perks up when she spots the tell-tale green box from Lord Mesa bakery and toddles over to claim her treat, plopping herself right into her mother’s waiting lap. She makes grabby hands when the box opens and Felicity smiles as she hands a chocolate cupcake with green frosting to her toddler before taking a second and setting it atop the grave in front of her. The third is for her, and she peels the wrapper thoughtfully before sinking her teeth into the cake. Mia is less meticulous, opting instead to leave the paper on and smear the frosting all over her face and hands in the process.

 

“Da?” Mia asks, reaching for the gravestone. Felicity catches her hand and deftly pulls a package of baby wipes out of her bag to clean her up first. When she lets her go again, Mia crawls over and traces the engraved words with her fingers, exploring the texture of the cool granite. “Da!” 

 

“Yes, Dada,” Felicity says. “I thought Daddy would want to see you on your birthday, big girl.” Mia pulls herself up to stand and glances over her shoulder, a mischievous glint in her eye. Felicity raises an eyebrow at her and the toddler grunts as she tries to climb up on the monument, checking every few seconds to make sure she has her mother’s full attention.

 

“Miss Mia, that isn’t for climbing on,” Felicity says, her voice light and amused rather than sharp. Mia pouts and hesitates for a moment, considering her options, but when she sees Felicity’s face become more serious she opts to throw herself back onto her mother’s lap instead. Felicity’s arms wrap around her and they settle in for a snuggle as Felicity begins to hum “Happy Birthday.” 

 

They stay there for an hour or so, Felicity rocking Mia until she falls asleep in her arms.

 

“I wish you could be here to see her grow up,” she whispers, her eyes following the letters of her husband’s name until they become blurry from the tears she’s failing to hold back. “I miss you so much, Oliver.”

 

Felicity closes her eyes and wipes away the tears that wet her cheeks, just listening to the world around her and the way the breeze rustles the leaves as they turn golden in the autumn air. Over the past year, this little plot of grass has almost become a meditation spot for her and the way the sun warms her cheek is comforting as her daughter sleeps in her arms. Almost as though Oliver is there with them. 

 

“I thought we’d find you here,” someone says behind her. The voice is familiar and she turns to see Sara Lance and Ray Palmer standing over her. “Sorry to sneak up on you but we have to keep the Waverider’s stealth mode on these days or we get too many questions.” 

 

“What are you guys doing here?” Felicity asks, pushing herself up off the ground with one hand and brushing the leaves and grass off of her pants, holding onto a now-awake and somewhat disgruntled Mia tightly. “And where the hell have you been for the last year?” This part comes out with a hint of accusation and she doesn’t miss how Ray winces. 

 

“It’s a long story,” Sara says. “And most of it you wouldn’t believe anyway.” 

 

Felicity adjusts Mia on her hip and the baby lifts her head, rubbing at her eyes as she takes in the scene before her. 

 

“Aww, look at you,” Ray coos, tilting his head at her. He reaches out and boops her on the nose, much to her disdain. “You’re so cute when you’re not cagefighting with men twice your size, aren’t you?”

 

Felicity’s eyes go wide in abject bewilderment and horror and she looks from Ray to Mia and back again. 

 

“ _ Excuse me? _ ” she cries, instinctively clutching forcing her daughter closer to her chest and turning away from Ray like he’s deeply offended her. 

 

“ _ That _ ,” Sara interjects, stepping between the two of them, “Isn’t anything you need to worry about for at least another twenty years.”

 

“Nah. I’d say fifteen. Tops,” Ray corrects her.

 

“ _ WHAT _ ?!” Felicity shouts. “I would  _ never _ let my child--”

 

“You think you’re gonna be able to stop her? You’re still cute.” Sara grins, patting Felicity on the shoulder. 

 

“New parents, am I right?” Ray adds, shaking his head at Felicity and sighing. He clears his throat and schools his features when he notices her glaring at him.

 

“Anyway, right this way ladies,” Sara says, motioning for Felicity to follow her. Felicity’s brow furrows and she stares in confusion for a moment at Sara.

 

“Wait...where are we going?” she asks, apprehensive of the answer. 

 

Sara doesn’t respond right away. Instead, she steps closer and leans in to kiss Mia, who is still curled into Felicity, on the forehead sweetly before running a finger over her cheek. A knowing smile pulls at her lips and she speaks directly to Mia when she says, “Let’s go save your dad, kiddo.”


	3. What's Past is Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity accompanies Sara and Ray back to the Waverider and learns a few things about the past and the future.

The last time Felicity boarded the Waverider, she had ended up emptying the contents of her stomach onto its floor and spoken in tongues. She’s thankful that artificial intelligence doesn’t seem to hold a grudge for the former as she follows Sara and Ray down the corridor. Mia’s babbles echoing off the walls as she gleefully expresses her approval of her new surroundings. .

 

“One year old and already about to take her first trip through time and space.” Ray grins at them over his shoulder.

 

“Can one of you please explain what’s going on? I thought you weren’t allowed to mess with history like this,” Felicity says as they enter the control room. Sara and Ray pause and share a look that speaks volumes before Sara walks over to where Felicity stands and looks her squarely in the eye.

 

“We aren’t supposed to,” she admits. “But...Felicity, we should have been there. We didn’t get your message until just the other day, actually.”   
  
“Gideon has had a bit of an attitude problem lately,” Ray explains in a hushed voice.

 

“And anyway, it’s only a year in Oliver’s timeline,” Sara continues. “The ripple effects of his death likely haven’t gone too far yet. It should cause minimal disruption.” She pauses and smiles sadly at Felicity, blue eyes brimming with unshed tears. “The world is a better place with Oliver Queen in it. After everything he’s been through. And everything he’s done for the city and the world--and for us,” she adds, motioning between Ray and herself. “He deserves to be here. Alive and happy and raising his family. You deserve to have your husband in your life. And Mia and William deserve to be raised by their dad.”

 

Felicity nods her agreement, feeling too overcome with emotion to speak, but she accepts the brief hug Sara offers her and stands back as they prepare the ship for its next journey. It’s too much to hope for, she thinks, that Oliver might be back in her arms soon, but she presses a kiss to Mia’s soft hair and silently pleads with the universe to make it come true. 

  
>>>\-------------------->   
  
Later that night after everyone else has retired to their bunks, Felicity peeks one last time to make sure Mia is fast asleep on the pull out bed in the common area before she makes her way to the couch across the room and plops down. The past few hours have been a complete whirlwind and never in a million years did she expect to be on a time ship with her one-year-old on her way to save her husband when she woke up this morning. She lets her head fall back and closes her eyes, blowing out her breath through closed lips. 

 

They had ended up precisely twenty-four hours prior to the battle with The Monitor, so now all they had to do was plan and wait. She is very thankful that she was able to time travel with minimal nausea and without speaking in tongues this time, and Mia had enjoyed the trip thoroughly, though it had worn her out to the point that she’d passed out in her dinner before six o’clock.

 

“She’s out cold, huh?” comes Ray’s voice from the threshold behind her. 

 

“Sleeping like a baby,” Felicity says. “Although that’s really a backwards figure of speech. Babies sleep like crap. Which means their  _ moms  _ sleep like crap.” She trails off and throws her hands up, whining. “I just really miss sleep.” Ray chuckles and procures a mug of coffee, handing it over as he sits down next to her with one of his own. “Ugh, my  _ hero _ ,” she moans, taking the mug in her hands and inhaling the scent.

 

“Happy to help,” Ray smiles. Felicity takes a sip of the coffee and then takes a moment to quietly stare at it, seemingly lost in the depths of the black liquid.

 

“You know, I couldn’t drink coffee for months after Oliver died,” she finally says, shaking her head. “Every time I tried I’d hear his voice in my head scolding me about how bad was for babies since I was nursing.” She huffs out a laugh. “Around the sixth or seventh month of waking up every two or three hours all night-- _every_ night-- I was finally able to get through a cup without feeling horribly guilty but…” she trails off and bites her lip but Ray tilts his head at her and waits for her to continue. “I think by then I’d just...forgotten what his voice sounded like? Like...my memories of our everyday life started to fade. If I really think hard I can sort of still hear him but it’s fuzzy now, you know? It’s like trying to listen to music underwater or something. I can remember the details of our wedding, or when I found out he was the Arrow, or when I told him I was pregnant, but I don’t remember what expression he wore when he cooked, or the way his laugh sounded.

 

Ray nods in understanding, taking a sip from his own mug thoughtfully.

 

“I remember staying awake for a week straight trying to design a program that could say things in Anna’s voice when that started to happen to me after she died,” he tells her. “It’s terrifying. It feels like you’re losing them all over again.”

 

“Yeah,” Felicity murmurs, wiping at her eyes with the back of her free hand. “Why--” she starts but stops herself, biting her tongue before she decides to continue. “Why didn’t you ever go back and save her? Why Oliver but not Anna?” Ray smiles sadly at her and shakes his head.

 

“I think about it all the time,” he admits. “But after all these years I guess I’ve made my peace with it. Too much has happened since then. Some bad, of course, but there’s been a lot of good too. I would be too afraid to undo that and not just for myself but for everyone else along the way,” he adds, nodding towards the mug in her hands. She scrunches her face in confusion and turns it to look at the logo on the side.

 

“Smoak Technologies?” she reads, bewildered. 

 

“I picked that up in Star City in the year 2025,” Ray chuckles. “Before all this nonsense with The Monitor and Oliver threw everything off-course. You’re a pretty big deal, Smoak.” Felicity smiles in wonder at the mug in her hands and after a long pause Ray gestures around the cabin and continues, “None of this would be possible without Oliver’s influence. The Legends, Barry’s team--all of it comes back to Oliver putting on that hood and fighting to make a difference. None of us would be heroes if he hadn’t done it first. And he wouldn’t have become the hero he was without you behind him, Felicity...So we  _ are  _ going to get him back and put things the way they were before the Monitor showed up,” he insists, dipping his head to catch her eye. “Timelines be damned.”

 

“I don’t even know what to say,” Felicity tells him. “Even to just have the chance of having a moment with him so he could meet Mia just--” she has to pause to swallow the lump in her throat and wipe at her eyes again. “It’s more than I could have hoped for this past year.” 

 

“Well let’s get your husband back home so you can focus on changing the world one software program at a time, huh?” Ray chuckles before he nonchalantly adds, “I’m honestly surprised you haven’t kicked Palmer Tech out of your building yet, but I’m sure you’ve been a bit preoccupied.”

 

“My building?” Felicity asks. “What do you mean  _ my _ building?”

 

“Well I left you the company, sure, but I purchased the building when I took over QC and technically you own it now. Palmer Tech pays rent along with the coffee shop and bistro on the ground floor and the apartments on the top floors that the PT investors rent when they visit. There’s a separate account that the money goes into every month and the going rate is about $30 a square foot in Star City these days. In a building that size I’d guess it’s around $500,000 a month.”

 

Felicity’s jaw drops, not for the first time today, and she gapes at Ray for a solid thirty seconds, unable to form a single word. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she finally sputters, trying to gather her wits. “Are you telling me that I have a bank account somewhere with nearly  _ twenty-five million dollars _ just  _ sitting  _ there?”

 

“Are you telling me you didn’t know you’ve owned an entire building for the last five years?” Ray asks. Felicity closes her eyes and shakes her head to clear it.

 

“I’ve been wondering why you haven’t kicked them out yet, but I guess I just assumed you were collecting rent and living on that until you got your company up and running,” Ray says. Felicity sets her mug on the coffee table and jumps up, walking the length of the room and back again, trying her best to comprehend the new information in front of her.

 

“I used my severance pay for a while but then I started doing freelance work to make ends meet after Mia was born I didn’t--I had no idea there was--oh my  _ God _ ,  Ray...This is  _ your  _ money, I can’t--”

 

“No,” he interrupts her, standing up to catch her arm and stop her manic pacing. “Felicity I left this to you for a reason. You’re meant to do incredible things. I’m just happy to be a footnote in your story, okay?” She looks up at him and shakes her head in disbelief. “I’m doing just fine, I swear. But when you get back, promise me you’ll take that money and invest it in your company? And kick those jerks who are intent on destroying my legacy out of there,  _ please _ .”

  
“I promise,” Felicity says. “I just--I don’t know what to say. Today has been...a  _ lot _ .”

  
Ray chuckles and pulls her into a hug. “Thank you,” she says, voice muffled by his shoulder as she holds onto him tight. 

 

“You don’t need to thank me,” he says as he pulls away.

 

“No, I do,” she insists. “This is...this is  _ everything _ . And I don’t just mean the pep talk and the company and the money--the fact that you and your team are doing whatever you can to bring Oliver home to me--” she pauses and steals a glance at where her daughter is snoozing peacefully on the pull-out bed in the corner. “To  _ us _ …” She looks up at him and it’s all she can do to shake her head in disbelief and wipe the tears that have formed out of her eyes again.

 

“It’s going to work out, Felicity,” he says in a soft voice, like he can hear the way her mind is churning with doubt that any of this is real and within her grasp. “I know you’re going over and over the possibilities of how all of this could go down in your head right now because I’m the same way. But you need to trust that he’s going to see you and see his little girl and know that he needs to make it home this time.” She nods as her breath catches in her throat, anxiety threatening to choke her up until Ray puts his hand on her shoulder and squeezes gently. “We’ve got this. I promise. Now get some rest, okay? We’ve got a lot to work out in the morning.” And with that he gathers their coffee mugs and leaves her alone with her thoughts for the night. 

 

She pads over to the pullout bed where Mia is snoring softly and she smiles to herself--before motherhood she had had no idea babies could snore, but the sound is so soothing and comforting to her and after a year of motherhood, she knows she wouldn’t be able to sleep without hearing it. In the beginning, especially, she could barely close her eyes at all because Mia’s crib seemed so far away and she was terrified the baby would stop breathing and she wouldn’t be awake to catch it. It was the bone-deep fear that she might lose her daughter too that led them to bed-sharing, despite her mother’s lectures on how it wasn’t safe and how she was going to have to share her bed with Mia until college if she allowed it when she was small. Felicity, having spent her entire pregnancy learning everything the internet could teach her about raising children, however, ensured that she was taking all of the appropriate safety measures. So eventually she told her mother to lay off, and finally slept through the night for the first time with Mia beside her when she was three months old.

 

She oh-so-carefully slips into the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping toddler, and turns on her side to study her daughter’s features. The older Mia gets the easier it is to distinguish Oliver’s genetic contributions--it’s in the strong line of her jaw and the way her blue eyes go a bit grey and stormy when she’s angry. She notices it in the way her usually talkative daughter can go a bit stoic and observant when she encounters a stranger, observing and processing everything around her before forming an opinion. But mostly she sees it in the way Mia smiles. Her eyes crinkle at the corners and her dimples appear and it’s beautiful but _oh_ how it makes her chest ache with longing. The first time she had smiled like that it had knocked Felicity breathless. To see a smile she never thought she’d see again was the sweetest kind of torture and she had to turn away so her happy baby wouldn’t see her sobbing. 

 

_ But now _ …

 

Felicity glances at the clock and sees that they have just over twelve hours until the battle is supposed to begin and her heart skips a beat in her chest. Her memories of that last night are crystal clear. Right now her past self is settling into bed, surrounded by her nest of pillows. Oliver is curling up against her side and pressing kisses to her belly and laughing as their baby kicks in response. Neither of them know what awaits in the morning. Neither of them knows it’s their last night sleeping in each other’s arms. Past Felicity has no idea that she’ll cry herself to sleep with the sheer exhaustion of grief on the heels of the exhaustion of bringing a child into the world tomorrow night. 

 

It’s all she can do to keep herself from launching out of bed and begging Sara to take her to their apartment. She could knock on the door and tell them to stay put. Plead with Oliver not to respond to the threat of The Monitor at all tomorrow. It would be against his nature to leave his city defenseless like that, but maybe if she told him what he would lose he might listen. 

 

_ Maybe he might put her first this time.  _

 

Mia whines in her sleep and turns, seeking out her mother’s warmth, and it calls Felicity back into the moment. She knows she can’t interfere like that. She knows the Legends have a developed a plan that will work for the forthcoming battle. So as difficult as it is, she settles into her pillow and pulls Mia close, breathing in her scent and imagining that maybe tomorrow night, after a year of missing him with everything in her, Oliver’s arms might be around the two of them once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a tremendous thanks to the lovely Meg for the beta and always helping me to grow as a writer. I wouldn't be able to do this without her!


	4. New Endings, New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle begins.

Felicity  manages to sleep for a few hours aboard the Waverider, waking to a squeal and a pudgy hand slapping her cheek gleefully. She groans in response, but Mia takes that as an invitation to climb onto her chest and bounce excitedly. 

 

“I’m your mom, not a trampoline,” she mumbles, but it doesn’t deter the toddler in the least so she begrudgingly opens her eyes and makes a face. “Really, kid?” Mia leans down to blow a raspberry on her mother’s chest in response and Felicity chuckles. “I’m up, I’m up. Let’s get you a new diaper and some breakfast.” 

 

After a diaper change and new clothes for the both of them (Mia’s diaper bag always contained two spare outfits for her, and Sara had provided Felicity with jeans and a tee shirt from her own closet), they retrace their steps from last night to the kitchen.

 

Mick greets them with a grunted,“Mornin’, Ponytail.” Felicity waves her reply and seats herself at the table next to Ray who flashes a grin as they join the group at the table.

 

“Good morning, ladies,” he chirps.

 

“Order up!” Sara calls out as she slides a plate across the table to Felicity. Mia shouts her approval and immediately reaches out to grab a pancake off the plate, shoveling it into her mouth and smiling. Felicity thanks Sara as the rest of the team convenes, all looking to Sara for instructions.

 

“We’ve got three hours before we need to be at ground zero and I want to go over the plan so we make sure this time is different,” she tells them. “Our main objective is to get Oliver to leave the battle and get onto the ship. There are enough of us this time that he won’t be needed for the battle to go in our favor. That needs to be the first priority. It will not be an easy task because the man is the most stubborn, pig-headed pine tree in history. Felicity, that’s where you come in.”

 

Felicity sits up straight. She hadn’t expected to be involved in the plan, but she’s more than willing to do whatever she needs to do to make sure it works.

 

“I need you to hack into your team’s comms and convince him to board the Waverider. Can you make that happen?” Sara asks. Felicity grins.

 

“Have you _met_ me?” 

 

“Perfect. Once Oliver’s on-board we move into phase two. Which is basically just...destroy The Monitor and try not to die. We good?” Her team nods their agreement and begin to head down a hallway in the opposite direction from the bunks, presumably back to the control room. 

 

“Hey--you gonna be okay?” Sara whispers to Felicity once it’s just the two of them and Mia sitting at the table.

 

“Yeah,” Felicity says in what she hopes is a calm voice. “Of course.”

 

“You’re a terrible liar, Smoak,” Sara teases, bumping their shoulders together playfully. Felicity sighs in defeat. “It’s okay to be anxious. This must be a lot for you.”

 

“Time-traveling to keep my husband from dying so he can be here to see his daughter grow up? No, not a problem at all,” she says with a breathy, nervous laugh. Sara rolls her eyes and smiles at her. 

 

“Tomorrow morning you’re going to wake up and this is all going to feel like it was just a really crappy dream,” Sara tells her. “I promise.”

 

“I know,” Felicity says, nodding. “It’s just...what if...what if he doesn’t listen? What if it doesn’t work and I have to go back home knowing how close we came to having him back? I don’t know if I can handle that, Sara. I’ve already lost him so many times and I can’t--” her voice breaks on a tiny sob and Sara reaches over to pull her into a hug, sandwiching Mia between the two of them.

 

“You’re not gonna lose him again,” Sara murmurs against her cheek. “I’m not gonna let that happen, okay?” Felicity nods, willing herself to have faith in what her friend is saying. “Just a few more hours and you’ll be able to tell him in person what an asshole he is for taking on a villain while you were giving birth to his child.”

 

They both burst into laughter at that, the tension breaking as the sound bounces off of the high ceilings of the Waverider. Mia gives a loud laugh too, wanting to be a part of the grown ups’ conversation, and they can’t help but laugh again.

 

“Thank you for that,” Felicity says. “I almost feel like I might not throw up now.”

 

“Good. Get something in your stomach. It’ll help,” Sara tells her. “And you--” she says to Mia, holding her hands out. “You come with Auntie Sara. We’ve got some training to do before your first big match in a few years, kiddo.” Felicity’s eyes narrow.

 

“Sara, I swear to God if you--”

 

“I’m  _ kidding _ .” Sara rolls her eyes  at Felicity’s threat, scooping Mia into her arms. “She probably won’t even end up as Blackstar now that Oliver is going to be around. Could you imagine the conniption fit he would have about his little girl getting into cage-fighting?!” Sara laughs to herself like she’s just told the greatest joke in history but Felicity fixes her with a glare that shuts her up almost instantly. “Calm down, I’ll give the kid a tiny rubik's cube or something, sheesh.”

 

“That’s a  _ choking hazard _ , Sara!” Felicity calls after Sara’s retreating back. “Sara!”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next few hours are torture for Felicity as she paces the corridors of the Waverider. Mia, however, is enjoying herself thoroughly when Ray seats himself on the floor with a set of Star Wars action figures he somehow managed to conjure up to play. Mia slobbers all over Han Solo’s head and when naptime rolls around she protests loudly until Ray relinquishes the Chewbacca figure. She settles down onto the cot, snuggling the toy to her chest with her thumb in her mouth and Felicity continues her pacing.

 

“That’s not going to make time go any faster, you know,” Ray says knowingly as he cleans up the rest of the toys from the floor. Felicity halts her steps and closes her eyes in defeat at his words, blowing out a harsh breath.

 

“I just keep thinking about tracking him down and warning him to stay away from the battle in the first place and I know that it’s selfish but--”

 

“It’s not selfish,” Ray counters. “You want your daughter to grow up with her dad around. I don’t think anybody could fault you for that.”

 

“I always swore to myself that if I ever had children they wouldn’t grow up like I did,” she murmurs. “I should have known better.”

 

“This life isn’t easy,” Ray agrees. “But you knew that a long time ago.”

 

“I did,” she agrees. “But I can’t help but wonder if it was selfish of us to bring a child into it. She didn’t ask for any of this. Neither did William, but at least he got to walk away from it. Mia doesn’t get that luxury. She’s stuck with me. Forever. And I can’t promise her a life where things are ever going to be anything other than dangerous and chaotic. What kind of a parent does that to a child, Ray?”

 

“You chose this life so that you could fight to make the world a better place for her,” he replies. “I’d say that makes you an incredible mother who would do anything for your children. Both of them. And Oliver did the same and will continue to do the same once we, you know, save his rear from The Monitor in a couple of hours.” Felicity laughs and shakes her head at him. 

 

“ _ If _ this works, we are running away to Aruba and never looking back,” she says. 

 

“No you aren’t,” Ray counters, shaking his head at her this time. “The two of you are heroes and there’s no changing that. It’s in your DNA.” Felicity catches the way he cryptically glances over to where her sleeping toddler lies and she has to stop herself from asking him to explain that sentence. 

 

“Is she…” she hesitates, not certain she wants to know the answer. “In the future, when you’ve seen her. Is she okay?” Ray cracks a small, knowing smile and nods.

 

“She’s got her mom’s brains and her dad’s right hook. She’s perfect,” he assures her. “And undefeated,” he adds with a wink. Felicity pouts at that.

 

“ _ Cage fighting _ ?” she whines. “Really?”

  
  


It’s nearly dusk when the Legends team begins to suit up and collect their gear. Felicity hacks into her own comms system in the bunker and mutes herself so she can listen in without being caught and then...they  _ wait _ . She can hear Team Arrow’s banter and her heart aches, tears springing to her eyes when Oliver’s voice comes over her headset for the first time.

 

“Overwatch, we’re nearly there. Do you have eyes?” 

 

“Working on it,” her past self responds. “I think my system just glitched. It’s almost like--” she trails off and Felicity realizes she wasn’t stealthy enough to go unnoticed by herself (and wasn’t that a weird sentence?). “Nevermind, it must have just been my imagination. I’m pulling up the traffic cameras near that intersection now.”

 

“Is backup en route?” she hears Emiko ask over the clicking and clacking of the keyboards in the background.

 

“Team Flash is right behind you,” Past Felicity assures them. “I’m sending a signal out to the Legends as we speak. Here’s hoping they respond.”

 

As if on cue, a beeping noise sounds from behind her and she turns to see Sara signaling to the others as she replies to the message with their position. Felicity feels like her heart is in her throat, her anxiety building as they get closer and closer to the moment she’ll have to take over the comms. She accepts a wriggling Mia from Ray so he can put on his helmet and join his team, and the toddler immediately tries to press on the buttons in front of her. Luckily for everyone, her mother is faster than she is.

 

“Those are for Mommy’s hands only, Mia,” she tells her, catching her hand and pressing a kiss to her tiny fingers. “It’s almost over, baby girl.”

 

“Overwatch, we’re on site,” comes John’s voice, and she knows that’s her cue to get ready. 

 

“I’ve got a visual on one...two...three hostiles,” past Felicity responds.

 

“Two in my line of sight.”

 

“I’ve got the other,” Oliver says.

 

“Team Flash is on standby,” says Barry. “Let’s take this guy down once and for all.”

 

“I really think we should have waited for Supergirl and the Legends to show up,” grumbles Cisco in the background. “I’m not convinced we can take down The Monitor alone.”

 

“Legends are coming to you right now,” her past self tells them. “They’ll be there in just a--” she gasps and Felicity knows it’s a contraction.

 

“Felicity?” Oliver says. Felicity’s eyes fill with tears at listening to the last conversation she had with her husband.

 

“ _ Secret. Identity. _ ”

 

“To be fair, I’m pretty sure that cat is way out of the bag for y’all. But for real, girl, you okay?” 

 

“I’m fine. Just focus on what you’re doing, please.” Felicity finds it almost impossible to keep her line muted and not scream at her past self for lying. 

 

“Are you sure? Do I need to come back?” 

 

“I’m pretty sure the pending end of the world is more important than my leg cramp,” her past self says. “Focus on what you’re doing. The Legends will be arriving in any moment.”  

 

“Listen to your wife,” Emiko tells him. “We’re about to miss our very narrow window.”

 

“I’ll just leave you to it. Like we planned. I really have to pee.” Her past self mutes her microphone and Felicity quickly commandeers the feed. 

 

“You know what? I think I’m okay,” she amends, trying her best to hide the way her voice is shaking. “Let’s get this over with and get everyone home safe.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t need me to come back?” Oliver asks, and Felicity realizes she’s going to have to respond now. She swallows the lump in her throat before she replies.

 

“Just promise me you’ll listen to the directions the Legends give you when they get there,” she manages, wondering if everyone who can hear her right now can tell just how heavy her words are with desperation and emotion. 

 

“What do you mean?” Oliver asks. 

 

“Promise me,” she repeats, holding her breath until he answers.

 

“Yeah, okay,” he agrees quickly, clearly not wanting to further upset his wife. “I promise.”

 

“Heads up!” John shouts. “Incoming!” The sounds of gunfire echo out in the background.

 

“Oliver?” she blurts out. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you, too, hon,” he replies, though he’s clearly confused by her sudden admission over the comms where everyone can hear her. “I’ll be home soon, okay?”

 

She nods, even though she knows he can’t see her, and then she resigns herself to listening into the fight over her headset. 

 

_ Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay. _

 

Mia stares up at her mother with concern written all over her little face and when wraps her arms around Felicity’s neck and hugs her tightly. It’s almost like she knows it’s exactly what she needs in that moment. 

 

All she can hear is a litany of yelling and grunting and the sounds of weapons clashing and it goes on for what feels like forever until she hears Sara shouting out orders the second she and the other Legends rush onto the scene. 

 

“Flash and Vibe on his left! Spartan, Wild Dog and Canary on the right! Green Arrow--retreat!” 

 

“Re--what?” Oliver responds, not comprehending what he’s being told. 

 

“Retreat to the Waverider, now!” Sara repeats, and  _ wow  _ is that not going over well with her husband. 

 

“In the middle of an attack?” he roars. “Are you out of your mind?” 

 

“Retreat, Green Arrow!” Sara demands. “There’s no time to explain. Do it  _ now! _ ” 

 

“I’m not going to leave in the middle of--”

 

“Oliver!” Sara shouts back. “Go!”

 

Felicity is about to interject and remind Oliver that he’d made her a promise, but she hears him give a frustrated groan that tells her he’s done arguing. So instead, she takes out her earpiece, stands so that she’s facing the threshold, and waits.

  
  
  


It’s only ten minutes, really, but it feels like hours before she can hear the footsteps echoing down the passageway that connects the entrance to the control room.  She stands as still as she can and holds her daughter against her tightly, much to the toddler’s disdain. Mia leans forward and grunts, pushing on her mother’s abdomen with her feet to try and escape, but Felicity shushes her and waits with bated breath as the sounds of the approaching group get louder the closer they get. After what feels like an eternity, Ray turns a corner and comes into her view with Sara just behind him. They all have soft smiles on their faces and at the last second, Sara steps to one side to make room. 

 

“ _ Oliver _ ,” Felicity releases the breath she didn’t realize she was holding the moment he steps inside. She doesn’t waste another second, running directly to him and throwing her free arm around his neck. His arms instinctively wrap themselves around her, though she can feel the way he hesitates, like he’s utterly confused by her appearance and Mia’s presence. The one-year-old in question shouts in protest at being squished and Felicity just laughs in a way she hasn’t since Mia was born, pulling back slightly so she can see her husband’s face. Tears are blurring her vision but she can still see how he is doing his best to piece things together as he stares down at the two of them. 

 

“Felicity?” he asks, eyes darting back and forth from the little girl with a full head of blonde curls to Felicity and back again. He doesn’t get the answer he seeks right away, however, as Felicity pushes up on her toes and presses her lips to his, her hand cupping his face. He lets it happen, sensing the unbridled joy and desperation she’s pouring into the kiss, but when she pulls back he still looks absolutely bewildered. She opens her mouth to explain but Mia beats her to it, her pudgy little fingers reaching for Oliver’s face as she says,

 

“Da?” 

 

His brows knit together and he suddenly puts two and two together, glancing over to where the Legends stand watching them. He looks back to Felicity, tears now streaming down her cheeks, and his face falls as he realizes what’s going on.

 

“You’re--from the future?” Oliver asks, and she nods. “And you’re here because…” he trails off for a second, a flicker of pain flashing over his wife’s features. “I didn’t make it, did I?”

 

“You didn’t last time,” Sara tells him, stepping towards them. “But this time, the backup made it.” Sara smiles at Felicity, reaching out to run a finger over Mia’s cheek. The baby gurgles and grabs on, pulling the finger closer to her so she can chew on it, no doubt. But then she catches sight of Ray and she squeals, reaching for him and bouncing on Felicity’s hip. Oliver watches his daughter happily climb into Ray’s arms and frowns, still trying to piece everything together. 

 

“I named her Mia,” Felicity tells him, lacing their fingers together. “And she was born about ten minutes before I found out I’d lost you.” Oliver’s eyes close as he lets that news wash over him, realizing just how close to death he’d been just moments ago. How close he’d been to tearing his family apart.

 

“Felicity, I am so sorry,” he whispers, leaning his forehead against his wife’s. “I never meant to leave you. I never wanted you to do this alone.”

 

“I know, Oliver,” she interrupts. “And now you don’t have to. You’ve got about--” she pauses and checks Oliver’s watch. “Twenty-two minutes before she makes her debut. Just promise me you won’t miss it this time?” she adds with a grin. Oliver takes a breath and leans in to kiss her again. 

 

“I’ll never miss another moment,” he vows. 

 

“You’d better not,” she says, a playfully threatening tone to her voice. Oliver nods and shifts his gaze back to his daughter for a moment, overcome with a determination unlike any he’s ever felt before. He knows in that moment that he will do whatever it takes to be there for her for the rest of her life.

 

“Need a lift?” Sara asks him, interrupting his thoughts. “The hospital isn’t too far from here.” 

 

“I’ve got my bike,” Oliver tells her, then he turns back to Felicity. “I’ll see you at home.” Felicity nods, her voice thick when she replies,

 

“See you soon.”

 

Anyone in the room watching can see how difficult it is for them to say goodbye to each other, but finally, Oliver pries his gaze away from his wife and daughter and hurries towards the exit. Felicity takes a moment to breathe before she looks to Sara.

 

“Let’s go home.”

  
  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The Legends deposit Felicity and Mia right back where they’d left off on October 14th, 2020 at 12:04 in the afternoon. They say their goodbyes and walk the short distance from the park where they’d been dropped off to their apartment building, Mia snoozing on her mother’s shoulder the duration of the trip home. Felicity’s heart is damn near pounding its way out of her chest with every step closer she gets to their apartment. The what-ifs spiral around in her head as she considers every possible misstep and opportunity for things to go wrong. She agonizes to the point that she winds up pacing on the sidewalk outside of the building for nearly ten extra minutes before she finally forces herself to go inside. 

 

The ding of the elevator wakes Mia and she sits up, rubbing her eyes as the doors slide open on their floor. Felicity is shaking when she reaches for her keys and she can barely fit it into the lock and turn it. 

 

“Felicity and Mia Smoak, entering through the front door,” the security system announces as she enters the apartment. 

 

She holds her breath, listening for something. For anything. A sign that their crazy endeavor through space and time had made a difference. 

 

She’s greeted with silence. 

 

The apartment looks exactly as she’d left it that morning, right down to the dishes in the sink and the toys on the floor.

 

The frustration and disappointment feels like a punch to her gut and she has to take a moment to close her eyes and breathe so she doesn’t break down. She lets Mia down onto the floor and she makes a beeline for her toys near the window while Felicity heads to the kitchen to prepare something for lunch. Life goes on, as she’s learned so many times in her 30 short years, and a hungry toddler doesn’t care one bit about time travel and its implications on the timeline. She’s cleaning up the dishes from the counter when the security system announces,

 

“William Clayton entering the front door.” Felicity pauses, plate in mid-air on its way to the dishwasher, as the door opens and her stepson comes through it with his backpack over his shoulder.

 

“William?” she says, thoroughly shocked by his presence. “What are you doing here?” 

 

He kicks off his shoes and hangs up his backpack on the hook by the door and shrugs.

 

“Robotics meeting got cancelled and Zoe was busy so I thought I’d take Mia to the park and maybe to get a treat. You only get one first birthday, don’t you?” Felicity watches as he makes his way to his sister and scoops her up into his arms, blowing a raspberry on her belly. Mia squeals in laughter and he tosses her up into the air and catches her, pressing a kiss to her head. “Is that okay with you?” he adds, looking over his shoulder at Felicity who is still watching in bewildered silence. 

 

“But--your grandparents--” she begins, brow knit tight with confusion.

 

“I know,” he sighs. “I talked to Grandma this morning and she said I can come to Central City to visit next weekend instead since Mia’s party is this weekend.” 

 

William turns his attention back to his sister, helping her into her coat and shoes as Felicity watches them, trying to piece everything together. When William finishes dressing Mia, he turns back to Felicity. 

 

“Where’s the diaper bag?” Felicity shakes her head to clear it and motions to the backpack on the couch across the room. “We’ll be back for dinner. Say bye, Mommy!” William tells Mia, taking her hand and helping her wave at Felicity. He pauses when he notices how confused Felicity looks. “Are you okay?” 

 

“What?” Felicity asks. “No, yeah. I’m totally fine. Long day.” She shrugs and waves him off before crossing the room to her children, pulling them both into a hug. “Be safe.”

 

“We always are,” William assures her. 

 

She watches them walk out the door before she turns back to the apartment, eyes scanning the dwelling for any and everything that might be off from the way she left it before her time-traveling adventure that morning. She smiles when she notices that William’s room is full of his belongings and not her mother’s, even though it is the picture-perfect example of what a mess a teenage boys’ bedroom can be. She pauses there in his doorway, trying to make sense of how he’s back home when nothing else seems to have changed. Sara told her that her memories of the new timeline would be blurry at first, but nothing she thinks of makes it fit together. When she makes it to her bedroom and finds it as messy as she’d left it that morning she sighs and sinks down onto the unmade bed, exhaustion overwhelming her. 

 

>>>\----------------->

 

When she opens her eyes again it’s dark, the last vestiges of twilight fading from the sky outside her bedroom windows. She bolts upright off the bed, practically running to the kitchen where she sees William spooning a bite of food into his sister’s mouth.

 

“Will, I’m so sorry I fell asleep I didn’t--”

 

“It’s okay, I told him to let you rest,” comes another voice from behind the open refrigerator door. She sucks in a sharp breath as it closes.

 

“Oliver?” she whispers. He smiles at her knowingly and winks.

 

“I told you I’d see you at home, didn’t I?” 

 

She’s across the room in an instant, her arms around him and his around her, tears flowing freely down her cheeks in absolute utter relief. 

 

“You’re here, you’re actually--Oh my God. I missed you so much.” she babbles, pulling back to look at him. Her hands cup his jaw and he smiles down at her.

 

“I think you’re scaring the kids, hon,” he teases, leaning in to kiss her. “But if this is the welcome home I get after a couple of days in Central City for work, I guess I’ll have to go away more often.” Felicity shakes her head vehemently at that.

 

“No, absolutely not. You’re not allowed to leave us ever again.” Oliver’s grin softens and he tilts his head at her, pulling her closer to him.

 

“I’m right here,” he murmurs against her ear. “Always.”

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Oliver weaves in and out of traffic as fast as his ducati will allow him to go, ignoring the honks and shouts of his fellow commuters as he does. He squeals into a compact spot at Star City General Hospital and doesn’t even bother to secure his bike before he’s off, taking the stairs by threes in his pursuit of the maternity ward. 

 

A nurse in green scrubs gives him a knowing smile as he rounds the corner and she nods towards the end of the hall.

 

“The usual suite, Mr. Queen. She’s been waiting for you.” 

 

Oliver unzips his uniform jacket and shrugs it off, draping it over his arm before he enters the hospital room with a light knock. He’s greeted by a guttural groan of pain and he can’t help but smile when his eyes land on his wife looking like she’s about ready to kill him for showing up at the last minute. 

 

“ _ What the HELL took you so long?! _ ”

 

Alena looks relieved and she pries her hand out of Felicity’s grasp and comes around the bed to pat Oliver on the shoulder.

 

“Good timing. She’s all yours, buddy.” Alena cradles her hand gingerly and sidesteps him to head for the waiting room and Oliver doesn’t waste another second. He swoops in and takes up his place by his wife’s side, offering his hand for her to hold and using the other to support her back. He leans in to press a kiss to her sweaty head.

 

“I love you so much,” he tells her softly. She screams in pain again before she responds.

 

“I love you so much but I’ll love you even more once this baby’s out of me!” 

 

He manages to stifle the chuckle he feels bubbling up in his chest but he can’t stop the grin he wears. 

 

“One more push for the shoulders, Felicity, you’re right there,” Dr. Schwartz coaches her. Felicity takes a deep breath and squeezes his hand, giving it everything she has until suddenly a shrill cry fills the room. It’s like time stands still and nothing else in the world exists outside of that tiny hospital room. He looks at his wife--she’s sweaty, exhausted and red in the face from the effort of bringing their child into the world. But she’s never been more beautiful to him. He can’t believe he almost missed out on all of this.

 

“You’ve got yourself a baby girl!” Dr. Schwartz announces, holding out a pair of surgical scissors to Oliver. “Go ahead and snip the umbilical cord right there, Dad.”  

 

He’s beaming as he does as instructed, watching in awe as the doctor quickly wipes the baby off and places her on Felicity’s chest. His wife is smiling and crying at the same time as she takes the baby into her arms, whispering a shaky hello. Oliver crouches down and presses a kiss to Felicity’s head again, and another to his daughter’s.

 

“Hello, sweet Mia,” he murmurs as her tiny fingers grasp his large one. 

 

“Mia?” Felicity questions He remembers that in the other timeline, she had only named Mia after learning about his death.

 

“It means ‘wished for.’ And this? This is everything I’ve ever wished for right here,” Oliver explains through his tears of joy, his arms around his family. “The only thing we’re missing is William, but I know he’ll be so excited to come home and visit. But,” he adds hesitantly. “If you don’t like it-”

 

“Mia,” Felicity repeats thoughtfully, cutting him off, a soft smile appearing on her face as she stares down at their daughter. “It’s perfect.”


End file.
